A Blessed New Year!
Thirty-five was actually very good to me, in terms of self love, and identity.
To recap:
I finally found my voice and gently requested to be respected, by people I have always allowed to basically walk over me, in fear of losing their presence in my life. I also learned to let people who only “love” me, remain where they keep me—at a distance. There are so many people I would love, and assumed loved me the same, but I realized they only care about how much I cared about them. I really used to need to be part of worlds that clearly didn’t hold space for all that I am, but no more!
I published my debut novel, in all formats, and even began creating art for my characters. The art portion was probably the scariest part, because I have never been good at things that require me to understand anatomical proportions—even my stick figures were never quite right. lol. The journey with doing every single part of my book, by myself, was so exciting! I loved the entire process. Recording my audio nearly ended my sanity, but I am so incredibly proud of what I was able to complete! I post book things, here. Book two is coming very soon! I’m trying to lock in on the date, because I’ve been BUSY!
I saw Beyoncé again, of course. I spent a little time with my siblings, and I used my passport for the first time! That was super exciting, for me.
I returned to school, because I felt like I needed to do something more for myself. This was a decision I didn’t realize would be so big for me, because I was afraid I would quit, if it seemed too hard, with my present existence. The fear of failure runs deep within me, but I’ve remained a straight A student, with such positive feedback from my professors, and I adore this, for me! I talked a little about going back to school, here.
Somehow, I got to my smallest adult weight, and I literally only think it happened, because I wasn’t focused on it. I’m really a baddieeee! My concept of beauty went from anything that was not me, to my exact existence. It’s been such a cool shift in my reality, so I hope my body continues to do all the right things!
The last six weeks of 35 were a struggle. I think it was a test of some sort, and I did my best to maintain myself. I’ve been so peaceful, internally, for such a long time, now. I have been so firm in my belief that everything works in my greatest favor, that I couldn’t allow the things that added to my lack of control, to take me out of my constant calm. I am still floating on the edge of that space, but I’m so glad I have been able to stop myself from teetering over. Things get hard, but how we handle our situations, matters more.
This new year, I plan to be MORE. More of everything that I am, everything that I love, and more joyful than ever! The goal is to be better at everything, to learn so many more things, and maybe even get the ring from that man who lives in my dreams, lol. The last one is for laughs, because to know me, is to know I have never wished to be a wife, but my celebrity crush is very much consistently making me think I’ll change my mind. Come on, baby! Make my life! lol.
36 will be beautiful. This is the year I wish to learn to be a little bit selfish. I always put everyone else before myself, and that won’t work for me, anymore. I want to go everywhere, buy all of the things, and to just experience more pockets of peace in whatever it is that I desire. I really want to continue really loving on ME, in all of the ways. My faith is unwavering, so I know everything I want, wants me. And so, it shall be.
Happy Birthday, Baby!
